Little Miss Lost

I used to love the beach, the sun and the sand. I used to love tanning, even though I'm already dark. I used to love a lot of things. But Google just shat all over the things that I love.

Okay, yes, I know that tanning, in general, isn't exactly "healthy" because of the risks of skin cancer and premature aging - whatever. But seriously? Google scaring the crap out of me was uncool.

I know I'm not allowed to use a sauna - I used to love saunas! - but now I'm not even allowed to use a tanning bed? And they don't just say "raising your body temperature would not be smart during pregnancy", they say "USE A TANNING BED AND YOUR BABY WILL END UP WITH A MALFORMED SPINE".

And as if that's not enough... since, y'know, there are probably mums out there who don't mind their babies having malformed spines as long as they tan gorgeously... they also say "Pregnancy makes your skin more sensitive, so the sun may cause hives, heat rash or worsened chloasma." How sexy.

And oh yeah, I can't even tan with a bottle coz "dihydroxyacetone can't penetrate through pregnant skin" and, "besides, your skin is more irritable and sensitive during pregnancy". Fo'serious? FML.

New Moon
Starring: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart and HALFNAKEDMEN
The Angel Rating: HALFNAKEDMEN... okay I'll try to stop.



The first time (and last time) I set my hands on a Twilight book was when Daniela Hoag raved about Edward Cullen. "The perfect boyfriend," she called him. But it wasn’t for me. As much as I love Anne Rice vampires (now, *there’s* romance) and other kick-ass vampire comics and movies like "Blade" and "From Dusk ‘Til Dawn", sparkling vampires just doesn’t seem to do it for me. Maybe it’s because they’re in high school. Maybe because the cast kinda sucks. Or maybe it’s... I dunno... because they SPARKLE?!?? I’m not quite sure. But no, thank you. Still, I love to watch movies and like every other avid movie goer out there, I went to watch "New Moon". I saw the crazy queues for the movie. I sat in a crappy full-theater seat (I have *not* seen a theater that packed since "Sex and the City" with my girls). And I sat through it.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t as boring as the first one. And surprisingly, there are some things to rave about this time around. Since there are more things to rant about, though, let’s start with those raves:

1. The soundtrack, as usual.

2. There were some cool werewolves this time - CGI FTW!!!

and

3. Those werewolves HALFNAKEDMEN, when human HALFNAKEDMEN, spend the entire HALFNAKEDMEN movie HALF-NAKED!!! Chyeah. Okay, okay. I'll really stop this time And btw, I lied. Half of them are boys. But being pregnant to a girl and extremely hormonal, it’s perfectly okay for me to stare at *them*, too. Don’t judge.

Now the rants (I’ll try to keep them in chronological order):

1. Edward Cullen appears on-screen in all his white-facedness and red-lippedness. The *entire* theater goes berserk. I have no popcorn to throw at the screen. Or eyeplugs to wear. Bummer. Seriously. *What* is the deal with Robert Pattinson? He’s not even hot. Give me some Chace Crawford and *maybe* I’ll understand what is up. But seriously? Nuh-uh.

2. Oh, look, it’s Bella’s birthday. She’s 18 now. "I’m Bella. Let’s spend half of the movie obsessing about how old I’m getting coz I’m gonna keep getting older while my boyfriend stays young for life?" Who cares if he likes to suck the blood out of people and that he’s – I don’t know – a vampire?

3. "I’m Bella. Let’s spend the other half of the movie about me obsessing about my ex and being emo and obsessively e-mailing my ex’s sister coz he won’t talk to me. And while we’re at it, I’ll have crazy nightmares, have a weird fetish for adrenaline and flirt with the younger guy with the ugly long hair who just so happens to be a werewolf." Monster fetish much?

4. "I’m Bella. I changed my mind. Let’s not be interested in werewolf boy until I bleed and he takes off – nay, forcefully pulls off – his shirt to dab on my wound to show off his amazingly muscular abs and I realize how ripped he is. And when he does, I’m going to say ‘you’re beautiful’." Coz that’s totally what 18-year-old girls do.

5. The next time we see were-boy, he’s chopped off all of his hair and he’s half-naked. And STANDING IN THE RAIN. And let's make him a lil angry and pissed off, to boot. In fact, let's make him spend the entire movie half-naked. Not that I’m complaining or anything… but WHY??? What was the point?

6. Nothing much happens story-wise or character-wise or funny-wise after that and I get bored until an action-packed werewolf bit and another semi-action-packed Volturi bit. Is that Dakota Fanning? Again… WHY???

7. Oh, before that Dakota Fanning bit, there’s more sparkly vampire scenes. But this time Edward’s shirt is off so you see him in *all* of his sparkly, skinny, and disgusting "splendor". Note to Director: you cannot take off a skinny white boy’s shirt after filling the movie with tanned and muscular were-men and were-boys. It makes "the perfect Edward Cullen" look less perfect. Although, if she’s on "Team Jacob", it’s understandable why she did that. And the movie posters are *of* Edward with his shirt open. I reckon they’d sell even more tickets if they had the werewolf pack in front. Cater to all the sex-crazed lil girlies (and boylies) out there, you know.

8. While we’re on the topic of Team Jacob… Bella feels like she can’t date Jacob coz he’s like 16 and she’s 18, but she’s dating a 109-year-old vampire? So… dating younger boys is bad but D.O.M. (Dirty Old Men) dating girls who are decades younger is okay? Unfair.

9. Now, the ending. The ending is a killer. Good job, director. All the girls squealed again. Squealing is annoying if there’s nothing to squeal about. Honestly. But hey, now all those squealers are gonna buy the rest of the Twilight books and obsessively wait for the next Twilight movies. Just coz of that ending. Well played, well played.

10. What happened to that red-headed chick who was after Bella? Was it just me or was she in the water when Bella cliff-dived? Where'd she vanish off to? And why has no one mentioned her again? And again, I'm not complaining, but there should be more to the movie than just half-nakedness. What's sad is I'm probably the only one who noticed that she just vanished from the movie...

Surrogates
Starring: Bruce Willis and Ving Rhames
The Angel Rating: 4 stars out of 5



Is it me or have recent movies been so bad lately that coming across a movie starring Bruce Willis - with hair! - actually gets a good rating in my eyes? (I don't know where that comment came from since Bruce Willis actually makes good movies. I'm just bitter at Hollywood for not releasing anything good in a while.)

Anyway, as mentioned earlier, this movie is actually pretty good. If you liked Equilibrium, you'll probably like this movie, even though it doesn't have the great acting prowess of Christian Bale and isn't laced with beautiful poetry by W.B. Yeats.

The reason why this movie is so likable, I believe, is because deep inside, we know this could happen. Unlike Equilibrium, where the entire society injects themselves with something so as to be void of emotions (waitttt... why would you not want to feel anything ever again?), Surrogates involves getting to live your life through surrogate robots that look extremely hot while staying safely at home and not having to worry about dying or getting robbed or getting raped or anything like that. And, well, with technology escalating the way it is, we know this could happen. Did I mention that you can be a fat, balding gay guy and live your life vicariously through a hot blonde lady surrogate, so you can get with hot male surrogates? Chyeah.

Now, in theory, this sounds great. But what happens when suddenly everybody can afford these surrogates and therefore has one and everybody starts relying on them so much, they forget to actually *live*? Again, we know this could happen. As people get addicted to drugs, it is also possible to get addicted to surrogacy. And well, that's no good.

Now, see, I think it would be great if *some* people had surrogates. Like, if they get disfigured because of an accident or can't walk or to fight wars or to have gigolos like in A.I. or just for fun, every once in a while like in a virtual reality game. But all day every day? Anyway, this movie delves into all that and I thought it was pretty cool. You should look into it and then definitely read below my spoilers line, so we can argue. Arguing rocks my world.




***** SPOILERS : DO NOT READ BELOW THIS LINE IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE (unless you don't mind spoiling it, then that's fine) *****




At the end of the movie, Canter wants to kill all of the humans still plugged into their surrogates because, as he puts it, "addicts must die with the addiction" and "the world should witness the rebirth of humanity". This makes perfect sense to me. Why did Bruce Willis stop him? Those people deserved to die! Am I wrong? By just killing the surrogates, Bruce Willis didn't really achieve anything. You know what's going to happen? Humans will simply figure out how to make new surrogates - and better ones, at that. Congratulations. You made things worse. If he had only let Canter do his job, people would have been killed and the people who remained living wouldn't dare make new surrogates because they'd be scared of the possible repercussions, i.e. death. Am I the only one who sees sense in this? What did Bruce Willis actually achieve?

So, Barney Stinson says that the gremlin rules are also applicable to girls and that these would be what distinguishes a real girlfriend from a non-girlfriend.

1. Never get them wet.
Translation: Don't let her take a shower at your place.

2. Keep them away from sunlight.
Translation: Don't ever see them during the day.

3. Never feed them after midnight.
Translation: She doesn't sleep over and you don't have breakfast with her. Ever.

Now... I've always had difficulties telling the difference between someone I was just casually seeing and someone who was an actual boyfriend and I never, ever had the talk with *any* guy ...ever. Because of this, I have decided to dwell on these gremlin rules to figure out which of the guys I've seen in my lifetime were actual boyfriends. And, well, after giving it a lot of thought, I have come to realize that my only boyfriends, then, were Charles and Henry.

[...Really? I suddenly feel like such a... Barney.]

Also, according to these rules... does that mean that Catherine and Cara were my girlfriends? Or does this only apply to people you were attracted to or have slept with? And what about the guys I dated in my earlier years of high school when I was too young to shower at their places or have them shower at mine? Do they not count, then? At what age do relationships start to count, then? And why has this suddenly become too complicated to think about?

When we wake up in the morning, we have two simple choices: go back to sleep and dream, or wake up and chase those dreams.
The choice is yours.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am thinking of you as I write this.
I think of you more often than I should.
It's just that true best friends don't come around for me very often and having lost you because of a kiss that probably meant less than it felt like is a bit stupid.

I miss you.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Heard your broken voice on the telephone.
Made my heavy heart sink like a stone.
And after all this time, I should've known you'd let me down - right down to the bone.
You know, you're right: I'm incomplete and I could never write down what I mean.
And if you told me that the world was ending tonight, that's alright by me.

Hey, babe, I feel as though I failed you.
I feel as though you don't want me.
I keep kickin' myself.
And lately, when I sleep alone, I feel that I oughta learn you don't need me... just stop kidding myself.

Thought of the day: clubs should be off-limits to non-smokers and non-drinkers.

For the first time in my life, I spent an entirely sober night clubbing at RCA. I quit smoking and drinking for obvious reasons 7 weeks ago, and let's just say: it was a whole new world. Things looked entirely different in the eyes of an entirely sober person than they did in my old party animal eyes:

-> Woo girls - of which I used to be one - are actually downright annoying. What are they so happy about? Do you even *know* the song that is playing? And, if you do, why can't you seem to get into the rhythm of the beat as you flail your arms around like a drunken monkey? What's even worse than the woo girls who scream 'wooooo!' are the woo girls who actually have boyfriends and still try to woo guys. Except, at Overdoze, they can't use the whole "I wanted him to buy me a drink" excuse since it's open bar all night, so what excuse do you have, besides being a whore? Now, it's fine, if you admit to me that you're horny or your boyfriend is in another country or you're having trouble with your guy or all of the above. But don't go acting all "I don't know what you're talking about" when, really, you're just a flirty slut.

-> Guys, in the dark and with beer-goggled eyes, are always cute. They don't even have to dance well. As long as he has lips to kiss and a body to grind with, everything's fine and dandy - screw his age, his relationship status and the state of his clothes or hair. Unfortunately, the truth is: the cute guys in Bangkok - screwing their age, relationship status, clothes and hair - can be counted on the fingers of one hand. You can even chop off a few.

-> The lights and the music of 808... ouch. How did I ever used to survive that place without walking out every five minutes to get my sight and eardrums back? Now, I can't even do *that* because the minute I walk out, I'm surrounded by a cloud of smoke from the smokers who stepped outside for a smoke. Solution: ear plugs and sunglasses. The sunglasses were surprisingly easy to find. The ear plugs? Not-so-easy. And you can't *talk* in places like 808. You have to *scream* just to say things like "I love this song." or "Where's <insert-name-here>?" or"WHAT?", which seemed to be the question I asked for most of the night.

-> Couples who grind on dancefloors like they're having sex, but with clothes on, are actually utterly disgusting, yet in that OMG-car-crash-OMG-people-a

I hate my life. That's just me. I live by the "motto" FML more than anyone else I know (except maybe Kays) and right now, I hate that insomnia has hit me yet again and even when I *do* want to sleep, I can't.

All my life, I've been a on-my-tummy or on-my-back sleeper. Unfortunately, I currently can't sleep on my tummy or on my back and my current life comes with crazy abdominal cramps and backaches that can only be alleviated if I sleep on my side... which is something I'm just not used to. But seriously. Who (voluntarily) sleeps on their side? Name one person who is comfortable sleeping on his/her side (Mike doesn't count - he's an alien) without being a spoon - little or big. And even *then*, you have to switch from little spoon to big spoon and back again every now and then because sleeping sideways just isn't comfortable, especially if you have nothing to wrap your legs around.

I need a bed that has huge holes, like those massage chairs, but with one for my face and one for my tummy. Or maybe I just need a hotdog pillow. Unfortunately, it would be pointless to get one now since I'm leaving in a few days. I should've stolen Paul's hotdog pillow before he left. If I recall properly, hugging that thing put me to sleep *and* turned me into a spoon. <3

I miss when life was simple.

So... I'm in love with a heartless prick who's still in love with his ex and just can't seem to get over her. And, well, I've mentioned that he keeps breaking my heart but he doesn't give a shit. Did I mention he knocked me up and doesn't want the baby "right now"?
Congratulations, Angel. You've really outdone yourself this time.

I wish it could be as easy for me as it is for Jane/Alice in Closer... "I don't love you anymore. Goodbye."

But nooo... I have to be complicated, naturally. I have to follow the masochistic yellow brick road to hell every single fucking time and keep coming back to the heartache because I somehow believe that people can change.

Well, people might change. But heartless pricks sure don't.

Seriously... how hard is it to find someone who'll just love *you*?

People tell of a noble breed of horses that instinctively bite open a vein when they are exhausted and feverish, in order to breathe more freely.

I often feel the same, and am tempted to open a vein and so find eternal freedom.

Maybe my doctor is right. Maybe I am depressed. All I know is that I've never felt the urge to die like this before.